Please welcome to the blog, RoMay. I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know RoMay via my Google+ group Support-a-Writer, where he has offered lots of support, encouragement and genuine friendship to myself and other people who love to write. He’s a lovely bloke, be sure to connect with him. RoMay has recently released this book, the subject intrigued me and I wanted to know more…
1. This book is a completely different direction from your debut book, can you tell us what inspired you to write a book about romantic relationships and in particular what motivated you to write about the subject of women in relationships with men?
I agree. This book is certainly a lot different from my first. My first book was my autobiography and an opportunity for me to clear my mind of many experiences that I had accumulated over the years, while this book was also a chance to clear my mind, I hadn’t focused much on the intimate relationships that I’d encountered and the affects that they’d had on me. So in writing #LIKWYS, my intentions were to expose the lessons that I had learned in relationships that didn’t work, so that women would be sure not to make those same mistakes in their relationships now or in the future. Plus, it was a chance for me to tell my past relationships what went wrong with us.
2. If someone asked you to describe your book in one sentence how would you describe it?
#LIKWYS is the necessary guidance for anyone seeking to be in a healthy, headache-free relationship.
3. What are the key factors that some ladies do in relationships that drive men crazy – and not in a good way crazy?
I think that the number 1 thing that women do to drive men crazy is nag(ing). As men, we’re already expected to be the leaders and providers in the relationship, but not allowed to tell a woman that she’s wrong when she makes a mistake. At least, not without backlash. For a man to live in peace within his relationship, he must be as close to silent so that he doesn’t stir any waters, whether he’s right or wrong. The other option is for his lady to read #LIKWYS and do her best to follow those guidelines.
4. How are the ladies in your personal life receiving the book?
The women that I know love it. I think that most women, outside of those that I know, will be a bit reluctant to pick up #LIKWYS, because there’s always the idea that a book with such a title isn’t referring to them. I mean, who doesn’t want to believe that they’re perfect or the closest thing to it. Needless to say, even the best of us have picked up the Holy Bible at some point or another.
5. Can we call you RoMay the relationship guru now? I think we should.
You can do that, but understand that I’m still in training with relationships. I just found it necessary to share my perspective based on my experiences in the relationships that I’ve been in and saw throughout the years. I do, however, feel that the best teachers are those that have experienced what they are aiming to teach. So, with that said, guru I am. Ha ha.
6. You mention confidence as a key factor for women to keep their men interested. How can women increase their confidence and self-esteem? And why do some women lose their confidence in relationships?
Yes, I mentioned that confidence is the most important piece of the puzzle that makes a desirable woman. Actually, confidence happens to be the first topic that I tackle in #LIKWYS, because of its importance. I think that long before any woman can increase her confidence and self-esteem, she should learn to maintain the very confidence that allowed her to find herself involved with a man. As nurturing and submissive creatures, women engage in relationships with a natural acceptance of anything that might seem like love or a future with someone. That premature acceptance allows her to put her needs and desires on the back burner while actually convincing herself that the direction that she’s being steered in is actually what she always wanted for herself. This is where she misplaces her confidence in what she wants and needs as her self-esteem takes a back seat to her dismissed self worth. The key to maintaining that confidence and self worth is to express a bit of selfishness by not putting another ahead of yourself at all times. Much like on an aircraft, during an emergency: requirements say that you should put the oxygen mask on yourself before assisting others. Also, it should be noted that a good man that’s worth keeping in your life will want a woman that thinks about herself as much as she does him.
7. What is the most ridiculous expectation you have ever heard woman have in a relationship?
Let me see…I would have to say that the one thing that I’ve heard most men have issues with is being in a relationship with a woman that feels the need to do everything together as a couple. With that, I believe that everyone in any relationship should forever have an identification as an individual within the relationship, but also to do things that respectfully doesn’t require the other person to be involved. Some women will insist on their partners to accompany them shoe shopping or to the hair stylist when he’s obviously not comfortable trailing along. In my years of living, I have never witnessed a man that insisted on his wife or girlfriend wait for him in the barbershop, unless she happened to be paying for his haircut and shave, which is another issue altogether. There’s just things that men should do alone or in the company of other men to remain as such, just as women should do alone or with other women. Nevertheless, I feel that both parties in relationships need their time to themselves so that they could look forward to the moments together that ultimately should add up to a life as one.
8. I’d definitely agree that some women use sex as a weapon to control their relationships, blind men to their bad behavior and gain more power. Why do you think some women resort to this dirty tactic?
I think that women use whatever it’s that the man values most. Sex just happens to be the only thing that a man cannot recreate himself from a genuine standpoint. If a woman decides not to cook a meal for a man that’s grown used to it, he will simply learn to cook or order take-out. With sex, he might order “take-out” or pleasure himself, but nothing is like the one that he truly wants to be with, so he suffers. The sad part about this is that through that man’s suffering, he will never see that woman as a human being that’s imposing a suffering on herself as well.
9. Why do some women share so many personal things on social media about their relationships and their life in general?
Gossip is a natural instinct for women, I’ve learned. Those who don’t engage in gossip now have already learned how infectious it is to a relationship by means of past experience. On e upon a time, before social media, small groups of women physically met up and “discussed” things like kids, work, gardening, their husbands accomplishments, what they were cooking that night and whatever. Today, the ‘Evolution of Conversation’ finds women exchanging stories about everything other than those things. Women today, find more resolve in exploiting the faults of their partners and all their shared business in between on social networking; then act surprised and even angered when the public that they’ve deemed as “friends” judge them for it. Of course, I’ve written a chapter about that too.
10. Describe your ideal lady – what’s her character and how does she behave?
My ideal woman is much like my sister. She’s intelligent, confident, calm and less concerned about what her husband is doing as opposed to how she can be the best at who she is to the relationship. With a woman like that, any man in his right mind will do what’s right and necessary to keep her happy.
11. What do you think most men hope for in their romantic relationship?
There’s a song by a singer, Usher, where a rapper named Ludacris chimes in with the line, “…a lady in the streets, but a freak in the bed.” I believe that every man would love to have the best of both worlds, what’s needed along with what’s desired. That probably applies to both sexes for that matter. Needless to say, euphoria for a man is in having his partner be his fantasy.
12. If you picked just one factor from your book, what’s the single biggest turn off for men? What typically results in a man leaving a woman?
If I had to choose just one thing or chapter from #LIKWYS that would run a good guy away from a woman, that would have to be if she’s ‘Too Argumentative’. I’m sure that a lot of men could and probably do overlook most of the things in this book, but I’m certain that I speak for the majority of guys when I say that it is a complete turn off for a man when a woman disagrees with him all the time, just for the sake of it. A good man wants to believe that the woman by his side is his partner, not his enemy.
Watch the book trailer, discover the book and connect with RoMay:
Official BOOK TRAILER: http://youtu.be/esvpxB7NJ0E
Amazon book link: http://www.amazon.com/Ladies-Know-Why-Youre-Single/dp/0615957447